The Official Fanfiction Academy of Starfleet
by hermione-of-vulcan
Summary: After years of abuse, the fandom that spawned fanfiction, the term "Mary Sue" and the first slash couple has decided to take a stand against badfic. So they establish the Official Fanfiction Academy of Starfleet, where they teach writers of badfic for TOS, TNG, and Voyager to write goodfic. A spinoff of misscam's Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth.
1. Of Tributes, Minis, and Q

"I volunteer," Miss Maria said calmly.

Miss Gloria gaped at her. "You _do_ realize that's like saying 'I volunteer as tribute'?"

"We could use security personnel," Kirk suggested, not getting the Hunger Games reference but understanding the meaning. "They are used to…unpleasant situations."

Miss Gloria shook her head. "No, redshirts have better ways to die than fanbrats." She turned to her sister (and assistant course coordinator) indignantly. "But I don't want to sacrifice you either!"

"Gloria, you're forgetting I don't have an insane hatred of fangirls like you do," Miss Maria said.

"Fair point," Miss Gloria conceded. "But still…"

"Oh, I won't be nice," Miss Maria assured her.

"I certainly hope not," Janeway cut in. "They're _fanbrats_."

"Agreed," Picard said. "We can't afford to be lenient where _they_ are concerned."

"Very true, very true," Miss Gloria said, nodding emphatically. "Now, all we need is…"

A golden flash lit up the room. "Bonjour, mon capitaine! Hello, dear Kathy! Greetings, everyone else!"

"…Q," Miss Gloria finished.

"How may I be of service?" Q said cheerfully, leaning against the conference room table. "I brought you a surprise."

Janeway and Picard exchanged Q-surprises-are-not-good-surprises looks. Q chuckled at them and snapped his fingers.

Kirk let out a very unmanly shriek.

"Aw!" Miss Gloria and Miss Maria cried in unison.

"They're mini-Gorn!" Miss Gloria exclaimed.

"What?" Kirk said, edging his chair away from the crowd of uniformed reptilians that was gathering around him. A larger group was gathered around Picard, and an even larger group was gathered around Janeway.

"Minis are what happen when someone misspells the name of a character," Miss Gloria explained. "See their name tags?"

"Kirc, Spack, Checkov…" Kirk read off of some of the mini-Gorn pressing against his chair affectionately.

"They have a particular affinity for the characters they're named after, and for their…" She looked down at one dressed in a silver jumpsuit nuzzling her feet. "…creators. Hello, Hanssen."

Q, who had been watching their reactions with amusement, raised his eyebrows. "The course coordinator of OFAS, the person who will teach _grammar and spelling_, created a mini-Gorn? That seems just a _touch_ hypocritical to me."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Miss Gloria defended, petting Hanssen's head. "It's only when you don't fix it or create an army that it becomes a problem."

"I've never created a mini-Gorn," Miss Maria said smugly.

"You barely write!"

"Now, now, let's not fight," Q said patronizingly. "I'm quite fond of the creatures myself." He patted Pickard on the head.

"They are…affectionate," Picard conceded, looking down at Piccard snuggling up to his leg. "But what is their purpose?"

Miss Gloria smiled. "Oh, that's the best part of them. Q?"

Q smiled even broader than she had. "I trained them."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Picard said.

Q nodded. "I trained them according to Miss Gloria's specifications on what minis had to be trained in. Though of course, only I knew they were mini-Gorn."

"So what are they trained in?" Janeway asked, allowing Janway to hug her leg.

"Fanbrat control," Q responded gleefully.

"They know how to stop a stampede, and how to defend their namesakes and namesakes' friends from fangirl plots," Miss Gloria said.

"Excellent!" Janeway said. "Voyager will be well protected."

Miss Gloria pulled three data padds out of a plothole (Star Trek canon was so huge there were plotholes everywhere in OFAS. The biggest one was the Klingon plothole, but if you put anything in there it came out smelling like _gagh_) and handed them to the captains.

"These have specifications on the amount of mini-Gorn required per person," she said. "Make sure that those people either have enough of their own mini-Gorn or can borrow from others."

Each captain looked down at their data padd. "Why does Data need more of them than I do?" Picard asked.

"More lusted after by teenage fangirls," was Miss Gloria's prompt reply.

Miss Maria snapped her fingers. "That reminds me!" She turned to Q. "You need to take me to the fanbrats so I can give them their applications."

Q rubbed his hands together. "Oh, yes! Let's get 'em."

He seized Miss Maria's upper arm, and they disappeared in a golden flash.

Miss Gloria leaned back in her chair and took Hanssen onto her lap. "Tomorrow, OFAS will be swarming with fangirls, and we will be having the time of our life torturing them."

* * *

**A/N So, if you haven't read The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by misscam, and you like Lord of the Rings, I highly recommend it. You'll also have a better idea of where this is going. Also good is the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy by Meir Brin. Now, applications are not officially open since the application form isn't up, but you can definitely tell me if you want to apply. Please note that means your character will be a crazy badfic writer. However, you do not have to be a crazy badfic writer to apply. Also, if you find any minis in the wild (any misspelling of Trek terminology, alien races, technology, etc., not just a character's name) please let me know!**

**Oh, disclaimer: Star Trek and all characters and trappings thereof belong to Paramount, Miss Gloria belongs to me, Miss Maria belongs to my sister but she lets me use her, the idea and format of OFAS belong to misscam, the idea of using plotholes as storage comes from some spinoff of OFUM that I can't remember (maybe HFA), and the only mini that belongs to me is Hanssen. The crest was drawn by my sister. If you can't read it, the school motto is "Bad Fic: The Final Frontier".**


	2. Fangirl Enrollment

_Data ran his soft pale fingers through Eleanora's silky ebony black hair. Eleanora felt thrills. He was touching her! He moved his hand to cup her chin. She could see his deep golden eyes shining. "Eleanora." He said simply. "I love you."_

Nora Greyson hit save and sighed. He was so sweet! He deserved to be able to love and be loved in return, and to have the object of his affection be worthy of his love. And Eleanora was certainly worthy—she was smart, beautiful, clever and knew Data so well that she knew how to unlock his heart and make him feel emotion for the first time.

"Ugh!"

Nora nearly fell out of her chair. She grabbed her computer desk to catch herself and turned towards the sound.

A woman stood right behind her chair, her features twisted into a grimace that seemed to be directed at Nora's computer. Nora wondered what the computer had done to her. But then she smiled.

"Hello," she said brightly. "I'm Miss Maria, an official representative of the Official Fanfiction Academy of Starfleet, and you are hereby charged with creating a blatant Mary Sue, messing with the character of Data—he doesn't have emotions yet, sweetie—and being disgustingly mushy."

"My story isn't disgusting!" Nora cried.

Miss Maria's smile widened. "If it wasn't, I wouldn't be here, now would I? Though—" She glanced back at Nora's computer. "—at least you don't show an atrocious disrespect for the English language. Some of them…" She shivered. Then her tone became businesslike again. "But that's what the fanfiction academy is for! That is, if you chose to attend."

"What's a fanfiction academy?"

"Where you're going to learn to write good Star Trek fanfiction, taught by your favorite Star Trek characters."

"But Star Trek isn't real!"

"Not in this universe," Miss Maria agreed. "So are you going or not? I don't have all day."

It sounded crazy, but…If her favorite Star Trek characters were teaching, she might get to meet Data! Even this academy wasn't real, it couldn't hurt to say…

"Yes, I am."

"Good." Miss Maria pulled a strange device out of the pocket of her skirt that looked like a cross between the kind of chip you put in the Enterprise computer on TNG (Nora couldn't remember what it was called) and a flash drive. She stuck it into Nora's computer and something popped up on the screen. Nora squinted at it. Was it some sort of Internet survey?

"This is your application form. Please fill it out," Miss Maria said. She smiled brightly. "I'll see you at OFAS!"

She waved and disappeared in a golden flash.

Nora shook her head in an attempt to clear it of all the craziness and started reading through the questions.

Name:

Race:

Gender:

Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009_, Star Trek: The Original Series_, Star Trek: The Next Generation_, Star Trek: Voyager_

Favorite of the above:

Lust Object:

Favorite Character:

Favorite Pairing:

Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above):

Select one: Command_, Security_, Science_, Engineering_, Non-Starfleet_

Do you have an OC?

If so, describe their appearance and personality:

Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is?

If so, have you written one?

Do you write slash?

If so, for whom?

Didn't seem too difficult. In fact, it seemed to be built for fanfiction writers such as herself. She shrugged and began filling it out.

Name: _Nora Greyson_

Race: _Human_

Gender: _Female_

Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009 _X_, Star Trek: The Original Series _X_, Star Trek: The Next Generation _X_, Star Trek: Voyager _X_

Favorite of the above: _Star Trek: The Next Generation_

Lust Object: _Data_

Favorite Character: _Data_

Favorite Pairing: _Data/Eleanora_

Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above): _Picard/Crusher_

Select one: Command_, Security_, Science _X_, Engineering_, Non-Starfleet_

Do you have an OC? _Yes_

If so, describe their appearance and personality: _Eleanora is slim and pretty, with silky-straight shoulder length black hair and green eyes. She's a science officer and really smart and kind that's how she got Data to love her_

Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is? _Yes_

If so, have you written one? _I don't think so_

Do you write slash? _No_

If so, for whom? _I don't write slash!_

She looked back at the Mary Sue question. Miss Maria had said something about creating a blatant Mary Sue, but she couldn't mean Eleanora, could she? Nora decided to leave it as it was. Considering her mental jury was still out on whether this was real, she figured it might not matter anyway.

She hit "send application" and yawned. _Maybe it will all make sense in the morning_, she thought as she crawled into bed for the last restful sleep she'd have that year.

**A/N And here's the application form! You do not have to be a badfic writer to apply (though if you are and you want to learn, welcome!). Also tell me something about your character's basic appearance and personality so I can write them (though those will be distorted into crazy fanbrat traits, just warning you). Remember to answer either the OC question or the slash question as a badfic writer—this will be important later. Race is on there so you can apply as an alien. Applications will close when I think I have enough people. ****The first applicants will be included as characters in the next chapter.**

**By the way, the chip Nora couldn't remember is called an isolinear chip. All I know is that they replaced the duotronic enhancers. And Data's brain is positronic? My treknobabble is shaky at best. I'm not engineering.**


	3. Eep! Ensign Who? Squee! EEP!

So much for everything making sense.

Nora woke abruptly, with a strong sense that she was not at home in her bed. She sat up and looked around at the sparse room she'd landed in. It looked strangely familiar. Like something on Star Trek. The back of a shuttlecraft maybe? But Star Trek wasn't real. She rubbed her head. At least she didn't _think_ it was.

"Oh, good, you're awake," a voice said.

Nora jumped, then scrambled to her feet to face the speaker. "Eep!" she cried.

The young Asian man wearing a red TNG style uniform with one pip on the collar gave her a bemused look, then glanced past her. "Looks like the other girl isn't up."

She turned around to see another girl about her age lying in the back of the shuttlecraft, sleeping peacefully. But**—**she blinked rapidly in surprise**—**the girl wore a Starfleet uniform! Nora looked down at her clothes and saw that she was wearing one as well. No no no Star Trek wasn't real Star Trek wasn't real…

She looked up at the young man standing in front of her, dressed in full uniform, the cockpit of the shuttlecraft behind him, looking the perfect picture of the random Starfleet ensign. Her eyes widened in awe. Maybe Star Trek _was_…

The ensign sighed. "Let me guess," he said. "You think this is either a dream or a hallucination."

Nora tried to say "yes", but all that came out was another "Eep."

He gave her a look. "I'll take that as an affirmative. Now, let's see…" He cleared his throat and pulled a data padd out of his pocket. "No, this is not a dream. No, this is not a hallucination. Yes, Star Trek is real and you are on board a shuttle from the U.S.S. Enterprise-D. You are on your way to the Official Fanfiction Academy of Starfleet, which was established by Q on this deserted M-class planet." He pointed to the front of the shuttle, where sure enough, you could see a generic blue-green planet. "At OFAS, you will learn how to write good fanfiction from your favorite Star Trek characters from TOS, TNG, and Voyager. Right now, I will be delivering you to the Great Hall, where our esteemed course coordinator, Miss Gloria, will welcome you personally. I apologize for the info dump, but it will save time later. Any questions?"

Nora had lost count of her questions somewhere around fifty, so the one that came out was "W-who are y-you? I d-don't recognize you from the s-series."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise "Nobody's asked me that before, they're always looking for their lust object. I'm Ensign Kenny Lin." He stuck his hand out to shake, and Nora hesitantly took it. "You?"

"Nora Greyson," she said as they shook. Her voice started to return. "Were you on the series at all?" she asked curiously, dropping his hand. "I don't know if I've seen all the episodes."

Kenny smiled. "I'm one of the lucky ones. I actually appeared in one episode, called**—**" He tapped at his data padd. "Night Terrors. Everybody was going crazy because of alien telepathy, and I took over for someone who passed out at the conn. Not the most exciting moment of my life, but that's what made it on screen. Now, if they wanted to give me a scene that episode they could have done the one where I tried to convince Lieutenant Wallace there were not any monsters behind the warp core. I didn't succeed, but…"

"It would have been more exciting than your other scene," Nora finished. "I'm sorry. You seem nice. You should have had more scenes."

He shrugged. "At least I don't have huge groups of lusters like the senior officers."

"Senior officers like…Data?" Because if Star Trek was real, Data was real too and she could meet him! Maybe Kenny would help.

"Well, yeah."

"Do you know him?" she asked eagerly.

He groaned. "Oh no."

"What's wrong?"

"You're one of them."

"One of who?" Nora asked, confused.

"The Data Desirers." He looked dejected.

Nora's stomach dropped. Was it a bad thing to love Data? "I-I really like him."

Kenny nodded resignedly. "Go wake the other girl. It says here**—**" he checked his data padd "**—**her name is Alli Drake."

Nora walked over to her. She was also wearing a TNG science uniform, but her collar was a light purple. That seemed strange to Nora, and she vaguely remembered some other Star Trek series having purple collars. Voyager, maybe? She tapped the girl on the shoulder.

"Umph," the girl mumbled.

"You're on board a Star Trek shuttlecraft," Nora told her. It seemed like something that would wake up her up.

Sure enough, it worked. The girl opened her eyes and sat up, brushing blond hair out of her face. She looked around and her eyes widened. "Whoa…you're telling the truth!"

"We're going to a Star Trek fanfiction academy," Nora said. "Ensign Lin?"

Kenny sighed and repeated the info dump.

"That's _awesome_!" was Alli's enthusiastic response.

Nora smiled. "Yeah, it is," she agreed. "Who do you want to meet?"

"Hm…"Alli said. "There's Data…"

"Me too!" Nora squealed, rather surprised at the fact that it _was_ a squeal. But Star Trek was real, and there was a possibility of meeting Data!

"He's so awesome, isn't he?" Alli squealed back. "And then there's Kirk and Spock, and Janeway and Chakotay!

"Kirk and Spock… from TOS?"

"Yeah! They're perfect together!"

"Oh," Nora said. "I don't like slash."

Alli looked dejected for a second, but then she brightened. "But you like Data! And he's pure win!"

"It'll be so awesome to meet him!" Nora exclaimed.

"I can't wait!" Alli squealed in agreement.

"He's just so**—**"

"A-_hem_!"

Alli and Nora snapped their heads around to face Kenny.

"Just thought you might want to sit down, we're going to be landing soon and they don't build these things for smooth landings." Nora and Alli sat down. Kenny rolled his eyes. "And it's hard to brace yourself for an impact if you're bouncing."

Alli stopped, but kept smiling broadly.

Kenny tapped his panel. "Lin to OFAS."

"OFAS shuttlebay here," a generic female voice responded.

"Cleared for entry?"

"All clear."

The shuttle slowly moved forward and began descending, then hit the ground with a thunk that threw Alli and Nora forward. The hatch opened with the hissing sound of artificial atmosphere escaping.

With identical broad grins, Nora and Alli jumped out. Kenny led them through a set of winding corridors that looked like TOS some of the time, TNG some of the time, and like Voyager the rest. The visual proof made Nora and Alli even more excited, so by the time they had reached a vast atrium filled with people (mostly teenagers and mostly females) Nora and Alli were bouncing with excitement and Kenny was rubbing his forehead like he had a headache.

"How much longer?" Nora heard Kenny ask another TNG ensign.

"There's one more shuttle from Voyager," the ensign said. "Oh, look!" He pointed to the other end of the room.

Everyone in the ensign's vicinity looked. Nora saw two teenagers come in, a girl in a blue Voyager uniform who looked terrified and a tall skinny boy in a yellow one who looked irritated. A Voyager ensign followed them, nearly pushing them into the hall while pointing a phaser at something behind him. He said something to another Voyager ensign, whose expression immediately turned terrified, though she pulled out her phaser and joined him with whatever-it-was. Nora shivered, remembering all the scary scenes in Star Trek that she'd tried to tune out.

"Everyone, move away!" the ensign yelled. Ensigns from all three series gestured their fangirls towards the walls. Despite Kenny standing in front of her looking grim, Nora tried to twist her head around to see. Scary or not, she was curious.

The Voyager ensigns backed up slowly, phasers in the direction of whatever-it-was. It stepped out into the atrium.

"You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile," she said in a voice that sounded like a cross between the mechanical voice of the collective and that of a teenage girl.

A collective gasp rippled through the TNG and Voyager fanwriters in which Nora and Alli joined in. A teenage girl stood there, but she had wires and metal pieces stuck all over her. The name of the race came to Nora in a wave of terror.

Borg.

The room went silent as the teenaged drone took a step towards the girl in the blue uniform. The female ensign fired her phaser, and the drone stumbled but kept moving towards the girl. The other ensign fired his phaser again to no avail. She'd already adapted.

The girl raced to hide, and the closest thing she found was the boy who'd arrived with her. He looked even more irritated as the Borg changed direction to move towards him.

"You will be assimilated," she repeated.

"Yeah, _no_," he said confidently. He swung his fist into her head, and sparks flew from her implants as she fell to the ground.

He smiled smugly as the two ensigns gave him a bewildered look and picked up the unconscious body. The tension in the room broke as it erupted into frantic whispers.

"How did he do that?"

"Is she dead?"

"Maybe he's an android!"

From the TOS students: "Why did she have metal all over her face?"

"I hope there aren't any more!

"Do you think they'll de-Borg-ify her?" Nora asked Alli.

"Maybe. They did it to Seven of Nine," Alli replied. "I think they have to be far enough away from the cube or something."

"Hm," Nora said, not quite sure how to respond. "I'm not as into Voyager."

"I can't decide whether I like Voyager or TNG better," Alli said. "Do you think we can**—**"

"Come on, let's move," Kenny said, gesturing students towards a pair of double doors at the end of the hall. "Danger's past."

"**—**go," Alli finished quietly, following Kenny.

As the crowd bottlenecked at the door, it became more difficult to follow one person. Nora found herself bumping against people from all series and overhearing snippets of conversation.

"That was weird."

"Wonder how she got assimilated?"

"He's, like, the only guy here."

"Whoa! Look!"

The last was because the boy who'd knocked out the Borg had taken flight. Literally. Wings sprouted out of his shoulders, flapping as he soared over the crowd towards the doors, reaching them before almost everyone else.

"I don't remember any Star Trek race having wings," Nora said to no one in particular, as she had been separated from Alli in the crowd.

"I don't either," someone answered. Nora turned to see a girl with bright green eyes, pink hair, and a gold TOS uniform smiling at her.

"This is so weird but so cool!" she continued. "I'm Zelda, call me Zell. I hear that Miss Gloria's really mean, but only to the TNG people. Yay! I can pounce Chekov!"

Nora suddenly got a sick feeling in her stomach. "I'm TNG."

"Oh," Zell said. "Try to be careful, then. I'm going to meet Chekov! Yay!"

The crowd shifted and Zell disappeared from Nora's sight. However, at that point, she reached the double doors.

The crowd pulled her through as she wondered whether OFAS was going to be fun or torture.

**A/N Random ensign is random, I know. He'll be important later.**

**The Borg student is my own invention—we'll find out her fate eventually.**

**Everybody else is applicants. Here's the list:**

**Alli Drake (androidilenya)**

**Ajax J. Deltic—the birdkid, like in _Maximum Ride_ (Hideout Writer)**

**go girl janeway—the girl who almost got assimilated (go girl janeway)**

**Zelda/Zell (Zelda12343)**

**Many thanks! But applications are still open. A few things to remember when applying:**

**1) You are probably a goodfic writer. However, you should fill out the application as a badfic writer. More fun that way.**

**2) Race is there so you can apply as an alien. Have fun with that.**

**3) All traits listed on the application will be distorted into badfic writer traits. For example, if you support a slash couple, you will automatically be a bad slasher. If you create a self-insert, that character is automatically a Sue or Stu. If you list a lust object, your character will stampede them.**

**4) Your character may be tortured, because the motto of the OFUs is learning through pain. Don't take it too seriously/personally.**

**The application:**

**Name: **

**Race: **

**Gender: **

**Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009_, Star Trek: The Original Series_, Star Trek: The Next Generation_, Star Trek: Voyager_ **

**Favorite of the above: **

**Lust Object: **

**Favorite Character: **

**Favorite Pairing: **

**Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above): **

**Select one: Command_, Security_, Science_, Engineering_, Non-Starfleet_ Do you have an OC? **

**If so, describe their appearance and personality: **

**Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is? **

**If so, have you written one? **

**Do you write slash? **

**If so, for whom? **

**Thanks, **

**Miss Gloria**

**P.S. In other news, my sister has gotten an account as Janeway-or-the-Highway. She hasn't written anything yet, but she's going to be running around reviewing fics she didn't want to guest review, so if you see that name, that's who it is!**


	4. It's All In The Smile

Nora was swept into the room. She couldn't make out many details of it through the crowd, but she did see that there was a high ceiling patterned with stars, sort of like Harry Potter. She also felt that there were tables and chairs.

She _felt_ because she slammed into one of them, not being able to see her feet. She envied the winged boy, who was flying over the crowd and looking pretty pleased with himself.

"FANBRATS! SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET!" yelled a voice that sounded strangely familiar. A blinding golden flash lit up the room, and when it cleared, Nora found herself sitting at one of the tables, the room dead silent.

The hall was arranged so that all the tables and chairs faced a raised platform on one end of the hall, on which sat a table and a podium. Nora blinked, not sure she was seeing right. That couldn't be Q standing next to the podium, could it? And the three captains—Kirk, Picard, and Janeway—couldn't _possibly_ be sitting at the table, could they?

Everyone stared at the stage, in shock at seeing the Star Trek captains and waiting expectantly for something to happen.

Then, two women strolled onto the stage: Miss Maria and someone who could only be Miss Gloria. Miss Gloria walked over to the podium, and Miss Maria stood next to her, giving the students a friendly wave.

"Hello," Miss Gloria said, her voice reverberating around the room despite not having a microphone or some other aid. "I am Miss Gloria, your course coordinator here at OFAS. Welcome!" She smiled. "First of all, I'd like to thank Q for making this possible—"

Q bowed deeply, and Miss Gloria rolled her eyes. "—and to also thank the canon characters for agreeing to it. Because, of course, this academy was desperately needed. You see, this institution was established because of _you_." She swept her hand around to indicate the students. "The Star Trek universe is an amazing place, filed with fascinating science, quirky and interesting characters, and diverse cultures. Its stories run the spectrum from silly fun to intense social commentary, though all convey their point with characters and settings that capture our hearts and imaginations."

Everyone in the room was nodding, because, obviously, they were all Star Trek fans.

"We love this world that Gene Roddenberry created. We love its characters and its ideals. It is a wonderful place."

Vigorous nods.

"We want to preserve it, don't we?"

More nodding.

"Then _why_ haven't you?"

Everyone froze at the accusation. Nora felt offended. She _did_ love Star Trek!

"Everyone in here would profess to love the series, but you all have, with your fanfiction, warped the canon of Star Trek, perverting it and twisting it to suit your fantasies. Now, that would be fine if it stayed in your heads, but no! You post it on the Internet for all to see! You mangle the canon beyond recognition and then expect people to read it!"

She glared down at the students, and Nora felt awful. Had writing Eleanora…

"But this institution was not established to condemn you for your actions." Miss Gloria's smile suddenly came back, and her change of tone was almost jarring. "Here at OFAS, we believe that you all have the potential to learn." Her smile widened. "Unlike at other OFUs, there will be no torturing of students at OFAS. This is a—" Her smile showed her teeth. "—_humane_ institution, based on Starfleet principles. Our purpose is education."

For some reason, Nora shivered.

"However, we do have a few rules," Miss Gloria continued. "The first rule of an OFU is, of course, no glomping the canon characters."

Kirk nudged Picard and asked a question. Picard shrugged in response and Janeway leaned over to see, shrugging as well as Kirk repeated his question. Miss Maria walked over to them, and they whispered the question to her, who in turn whispered it to Miss Gloria, who grinned.

"It seems that the captains don't know what glomping is," she said. "Q, Miss Maria?"

Q snapped his fingers, and the room suddenly exploded into sound as people discovered they could talk again. Miss Maria ran offstage but came back on a minute later to tap a panel on the wall. The shimmer of a forcefield being deactivated flashed in front of the stage, and Miss Maria moved back to stand next to Miss Gloria.

Miss Gloria looked towards the entrance to the stage. "Let the demonstration begin!"

Out stepped a canon character, and Nora gasped. It wasn't just any canon character, it was…

"DATA!" came the resounding squeal. Nora thought it may have come out of her mouth too, but she wasn't sure. Her head spun. He was right there, the man she'd dreamed about for so long! So close, she could almost touch him! Almost in a daze, she leapt out of her chair and started running towards him.

Unfortunately, she was not the only one who had that idea.

Cries of "Data!" mingled with screams of pain as fangirls pushed each other aside, trying to get to the android first. Nora waded through, punching and kicking with the rest of them—including, although Nora couldn't quite see through the crowd, Alli. Momentarily distracted, Nora turned back towards Data to see a fist fly towards her face.

Then the world went black.  
…

The first thing Nora became aware of as she slowly slipped into consciousness was a throbbing pain in her head.

"Umph," she moaned, not opening her eyes.

A set of footsteps walked over to whatever she was lying on, and an oddly familiar voice said "Oh, you're awake."

Nora slowly opened her eyes to see a balding man looking down at her. He picked up a small device, and it started blinking as he ran it over her. He looked familiar…She twisted her head to see more of her surroundings.

"Lie still, please," he ordered. Something clicked in Nora's head, and she gasped. "You're the Doctor!"

"I know."

"Wow…" Nora said, trying to sit up and get a better look at the sickbay. A fresh wave of pain shot through her skull, and she winced. "What happened?"

He rolled his eyes. "You were part of the group that stampeded Lieutenant Commander Data. Someone, in their hormone-induced mania, punched you in the face. You had a concussion. One couldn't say you didn't have it coming, since you chose to join in." He picked up another tool from a cart next to Nora's biobed and ran it over her head. The pain subsided. "I hope this teaches you not to stampede. That _was_ Miss Gloria's intention." He set the tool down and picked up a data padd, thrusting it into Nora's hands. "This contains your room assignment, your schedule and your textbooks. Now, good bye, and for your sake I hope I don't see you again."

Nora nodded and slid off the biobed, heading for the door. Once she was in the corridor, she checked the data padd. How was she supposed to find Room #221 when she didn't see any numbered rooms? With no idea of where to go, she took a left and started down the TOS style corridor (why that was outside a Voyager-style sickbay Nora couldn't guess). As she rounded a bend, it morphed into Voyager-style. Still no numbered rooms. She rounded another corner and it morphed into TNG. That continued for a while longer, which led Nora's mind to wander to thoughts of her and Data walking down the corridors of the Enterprise, arm in arm and looking like the picture of the perfect couple. He was smiling down at her, his arm wrapped around her waist. She was standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. She sighed happily, lost in her fantasies.

And promptly walked into a wall.

She didn't hit hard, since she hadn't been walking fast, but it still hurt. Most importantly, it jarred her out of her thoughts. She found that the corridors had changed. They still looked Star Trek, but somehow they managed to do that without differentiating into one series or another. And there were doors along the corridor! With numbers on them! She scanned the numbers closest to her, and was surprised to find that the one she'd nearly ran into was Room #221. Strange.

Nora cautiously opened the door. The room was small yet well-equipped with two beds, two closets, two desks, and what looked like the door to a bathroom. A girl about Nora's age wearing a blue TOS uniform sat on one of the beds, long brown hair falling across her face as she read a data padd.

"Um…" Nora said.

She looked up. "Are you my roommate?" she asked. "Nora Greyson?"

"Yes," Nora said.

The girl smiled. "Nice to meet you. My name's Emily. Well, actually—" she pushed back her hair to reveal pointed ears. Nora's eyes widened. "I applied as a Vulcan named T'Mel, and everyone's been calling me that. So you might as well call me that too. This is so cool, isn't it? Since I applied as a Vulcan I have to take an extra class about boring meditation stuff. But it's taught by my Spocky-wocky, so it's okay."

Nora couldn't believe she'd just heard the phrase "Spocky-wocky" come out of a Vulcan's mouth. And that mouth was grinning.

"What are _you_ looking forward to?"

Nora shrugged. "I haven't checked my schedule yet." She tapped at her data padd. "Let's see…Dating in Starfleet sounds interesting. And How to Write Logic. And Trek Tech: TNG might involve Data."

"The robot?"

"Android," Nora corrected.

"Sorry," T'Mel said. "Was he the one everyone stampeded?"

"Yes. I was in it," Nora said, rubbing her forehead where a tiny ache lingered.

"It looked painful," T'Mel said. "I'm glad he's not my Lust Object."

"Stampeding Spock would probably hurt just as much," Nora said. "I'm never stampeding again."

T'Mel nodded just as a loud "WHEE-OO" rang through their quarters.

"Attention all OFAS students," Miss Maria's voice said. "Curfew is at 2200 hours. Breakfast is at 0800 hours tomorrow morning. Be sure to get a good night's sleep, because classes start tomorrow!"

Nora wasn't sure whether to be worried or excited.

* * *

**A/N Late. But long.**

**Updates will be infrequent-every two weeks if all goes well. I'm swamped in the Real World.**

**Applications are still open.**


	5. A Morning with Q

"Two coffees, black. Three teas, Earl Grey, hot," Miss Maria said to the replicator." The line of cups appeared, and she handed captains Janeway and Kirk their coffee, her sister and Captain Picard their Earl Grey, and took the remaining tea for herself.

"Want anything, Q?" she asked, more out of politeness than actual concern.

"Omnipotent beings don't consume liquids like you mortals," Q said, putting his feet up on the table.

Picard sighed and took a sip of his tea. Caffeine was absolutely necessary, as most of the senior staff would have to deal with fanbrats that day.

Kirk also took a sip of his drink, and then turned to Q. "Q," he said. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Q sighed. "If you're wondering why I never visited _your_ ship, that's because you and your crew are mind-blowingly dull."

Kirk looked offended, but he persisted. "No, that's not it. What I wanted to ask is…you processed the applications, right?"

"Yes, get to the point."

"Why didn't you warn us about that…Borg student?"

Janeway snorted into her half-empty coffee cup. "This is Q. What did you expect?"

"Well, I just thought, since he was our ally…"

Picard clapped his hand to his forehead in a facepalm™ and shook his head vigorously. "You truly know nothing about Q."

"Captains, you flatter me," Q said. "I know I'm an irrepressible force of nature, a rogue spirit, a god of chaos…"

"An excellent example of the 'trickster' archetype…" Miss Gloria put in.

"I think I understand!" Kirk said quickly.

"You'd better," Janeway said. "As much as I hate to admit it, we need Q around."

Q looked smug. "Of course you do." He snapped his fingers. "That reminds me! I invited a new teacher to come and I do believe she's entering into orbit now."

Miss Gloria set down her Earl Grey so hard that it splashed onto her hands. "You tell us this _now_?"

"I thought we'd just established that Q is unpredictable," Kirk said.

"Yes, but…the paperwork!" Miss Gloria exclaimed.

"Oh, don't worry," Q said. "I'm in charge of the paperwork."

Miss Gloria relaxed slightly. "Who is this new teacher?" she asked, grabbing a napkin to wipe her hands.

"Nobody good, considering Q," Picard muttered.

"See for yourself," Q said, and a viewscreen switched on. An image of a ship filled the screen.

The room immediately went silent as everyone tried to process it. Picard's eyes widened, and he paled. Kirk looked confused, and Miss Gloria and Miss Maria glanced at each other, looking terrified.

Janeway broke the silence. "You invited _her_?!" she exclaimed in disgust. "What the _hell _were you thinking?! We want to educate the fanbrats, not condemn them to a fate worse than death!"

"Calm down, Kathy," Q said. "I will_ personally_ ensure everyone's safety."

"And that's supposed to make us feel better?" Picard asked.

"Do you have any choice?" Q pointed out. "She's already in orbit."

Janeway glared at Q, but then she sighed. "I suppose we don't," she said reluctantly.

Kirk glanced back at the viewscreen, then to the rest of the table. "I suppose I'm…behind the times. Who is she?"

* * *

**A/N **** I apologize** for my incredibly late update. I've been busy. 

**However, now I can safely guarantee weekly updates, since I've written quite a bit ahead. **


	6. Logical Lusting

Nora's day started its downward descent the moment she stepped out of her quarters.

"Ow!" she yelped as something slammed into her leg.

"Nora! What happened? You okay?" T'Mel asked, rushing over to the doorway.

Nora looked down to see a small scaly humanoid in a gold TOS uniform mount a small version of the TOS Enterprise and take off down the corridor.

"It was a mini-Gorn. On a mini-starship," Nora said. "And I think I'm okay." She checked to see if the coast was clear, then gingerly stepped into the hall. Ow. She was going to have a nasty bruise.

"A mini-what on a mini-what?" T'Mel asked, following her as she started down the corridor towards the turbolift that would bring them to the dining hall.

"A mini-Gorn on a mini-starship," Nora repeated. "It ran into my leg."

"O-kay then," T'Mel said.

Breakfast passed without any incident (the only thing that day that would, Nora would later find out), and then she and T'Mel faced the challenge of getting to their first class, Writing Logic 101.

"Who do you think will be teaching?" T'Mel asked. "_I_ think it'll be Spock, because he's so famous for being logical."

"It could be Data," Nora countered. "He's an android, which means that he's _created_ to be logical."

"Spock's more famous," T'Mel maintained. "So maybe we should go that way-" she pointed down a corridor "-to get to class. Since it's TOS."

"Yeah, but Data might be teaching, and this way's TNG," Nora said, looking the opposite direction.

"Need some help?"

Nora and T'Mel turned in unison. "Oh, hi," Nora said. "T'Mel, this is Ensign Kenny Lin. He piloted the shuttle I came here in. Ensign Lin, this is T'Mel, my roommate."

"Pleased to meet you," Kenny said politely. "Or should I say 'Live Long and Prosper'?"

She giggled. "No, I just look like a Vulcan."

Kenny nodded. "Yeah, that happened to a lot of people. So do you need help finding your classes?"

"Yes," Nora said. "Do you know the way to Writing Logic?"

Kenny sighed. "It's not that simple. You see, this place was designed by Q."

"How can a letter of the alphabet design a school?" T'Mel asked.

"He's an omnipotent being," Kenny explained. "And he has an...interesting sense of humor."

"So how do we get to class?" Nora asked worriedly.

"Well, I happened to hear some of the major characters talking. Apparently, you have to not think about where you're going."

"How do you do that?" T'Mel asked.

Kenny shrugged. "People have found different ways. There's a guy from the other Enterprise who likes to sing." He started walking, and Nora and T'Mel followed. "You do _not_ want to be around when he's walking through."

Nora smiled and tried to think of something she could do. She was certainly _not_ going to go down the halls singing. What if Data heard? Data…She suddenly remembered how she'd found her quarters.

"What if you were thinking about something? Like, really deeply?"

"What sort of something?" T'Mel asked.

"Well…" Nora blushed. "I thought about Data when I was walking to my quarters."

Kenny nodded. "If that works for you. Though I wouldn't tell any of the major characters or Miss Gloria. They tend to get mad at fangirls."

"I'll remember that," Nora said.

"Why do they hate us so much?" T'Mel asked. "I mean, we love them!"

"That's the reason, I think," Kenny said. "They don't like being stampeded."

"I don't like stampeding," Nora said, rubbing her head. She wondered if the Doctor meant for it to hurt every time she thought of stampeding. Well, he wasn't known for being the nicest Star Trek character. That was sweet, kind, lovable Data! Mmm, Data…

"Hey, look!" T'Mel cried, pointing at a door. A placard next to it read "Writing Logic 101".

"See?" Kenny said. "We got so distracted by our conversation that we found it."

"Thanks!" Nora said. T'Mel nodded in agreement and then darted in.

"You're welcome," Kenny said. "I have lunch duty, maybe I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see ya!" Nora said.

Kenny smiled and turned around to walk in the other direction.

Nora walked into the Writing Logic classroom. T'Mel waved at her from the front row, then went back to drooling at…

Spock.

Nora wasn't a Spock luster, nor did she particularly like the original series (cheesy special effects, and no Data!), but she was still in awe at coming face to face with a Star Trek legend. Or rather, face-to-neck, as he was bent over a console next to what looked suspiciously like a SMARTboard. The only thing stopping the fangirls from stampeding were two mini-Gorn flanking him.

Nora took a seat in the second row. Once everyone else had arrived, Spock stood up.

"Hello, students. I am Spock, as most of you probably know. In this class, you will address me as Commander."

"Yes, _Commander_!" squealed the Spock lusters in the front row.

He raised an eyebrow. "As most of you also probably know, I am a Vulcan. Vulcans are logical, as are many other denizens of the Star Trek universe, such as Data-" Nora let out a tiny squeal "-and Seven of Nine. However, I have been informed that Vulcans and other logical beings have been misrepresented in fanfiction. That is why I am teaching this class."

"But logic is bo-ring!" a girl whined.

"Then perhaps you should write about illogical characters," Spock replied. "In addition–"

"But you have emotions, you just don't show them!" T'Mel protested.

"You are correct," Spock said.

The Spock lusters couldn't take it any longer. As one, they leapt out of their seats towards Spock.

"Ow!"

"Oof!"

"SPOCK!"

"No!"

Spock looked down at the fangirls flattened to the ground by the mini-Gorn and nodded in approval.

"I do have emotions, however I won't express them. If I did, I assure you, the ones directed towards you would not be favorable. Spack, Spok, release them."

The minis released the fangirls, and they staggered back to their seats, rubbing sore shoulders where the minis had sat on them.

"Now that that has been made clear, access chapter one of your textbook. Today's lesson is 'If p then q: Basic Logical Reasoning'…"

* * *

**A/N Sorry again for the late update. My beta got sick. As usual, input and concrit are welcome.**


	7. Illogical Lusting

After the disappointment of Spock, Nora was hoping that Data was teaching Trek Tech: TNG. After all, he was practically the embodiment of Star Trek technology. She walked briskly, fantasizing.

_"Nora, you have surpassed all expectations. In fact, I believe you are qualified to come serve aboard the Enterprise," Data said._

_"Oh, thank you, Commander! I'm so honored!" Nora replied, smiling up at him._

_"The honor is mine," he said, returning her smile and taking her hands in his. "I also invited you because_—_" He stepped closer. "I have fallen in love with you."_

_"Oh, Data!" Nora sighed as he bent down to touch her lips with his. She_—

Nora would have smacked into the doors had they not slid open at her presence. As it was, she tripped over the threshold by stopping so quickly. She caught herself and inspected her surroundings. The room looked exactly like the Engineering set on TNG, and she smiled, feeling like she was on the Enterprise. Turning in a circle, she took in the glowing warp core and blinking panels on the walls. Of course, she didn't know what half the controls did, but that didn't matter. It was like she was standing in the very same room that Starfleet engineers like Data worked.

It always came down to the possibility of a Data sighting, didn't it?

She heard footsteps come up behind her, and she started to turn. But then she rethought—if it were Data, she could say something about how beautiful the warp core was, and then he could respond in his sweet voice, and the he could come up next to her and take her hand and…

The footsteps were coming closer, so Nora cleared her throat quietly in preparation.

"I-it's pretty, i-isn't it?"

Not as confidant as she would have liked, but Data was easygoing about things like that.

"Well, I guess."

Nora started. That certainly was _not_ Data's soft musical voice. She turned around to see…

Geordi LaForge, flanked by two mini-Gorn. He gave her a confused look. "You must've figured out how to navigate the halls."

Nora nodded, mentally smacking herself. Of _course_ the chief engineer would teach a class about technology!

"I didn't think anyone was supposed to tell the fanstudents," Geordi said. He looked towards the door, where other students were coming in, and walked over to the center of the room. "Computer, create classroom setting LaForge-Alpha."

A teacher's desk with a console and a classroom set of chairs and desks appeared.

"Take a seat, everyone, and get out your data padds," Geordi said.

That explained why it looked like Engineering—the room was a holodeck. The students sat down obediently and picked up their padds.

Geordi tapped at his console, and a document popped up on Nora's screen (and, she assumed, everyone else's). "Just a little legality we have to take care of. By clicking the 'I agree' box at the bottom of this document, you verify that you won't use any of the knowledge you learn in Trek Tech classes to pollute the timeline. You will only use it to make your fanfiction more realistic. If you don't agree, you can't take this class, you won't graduate OFAS, and you'll never be able to write fanfiction again."

With that threat hanging above their heads, everyone immediately rushed to scroll down and click the box. Had Nora read the document, she would have noticed the phrases "We are not responsible for any injuries caused by stampedes", "We have the right to assign any punishment we deem necessary", and "We have the right to deny medical treatment in cases of stupidity". As such, when Nora looked up and noticed that Geordi had an amused grin on his face, as if he'd just played a prank on them, she wondered why.

"All right," he said, and tapped on his console again. The document disappeared, leaving a blank screen that said "Basics of Technology" on it. Nora positioned her fingers over the keyboard, ready to take notes.

"So, does everyone know what this is?" He pointed to the tall glowing column.

"The warp core," the class chorused.

The engineer looked visibly relieved. "Good. You should know it powers the nacelles, which create a warp field around the ship that moves the ship through space faster than light."

"And each of the warp speeds have numbers, and higher numbers mean more speed. Like Warp 15 is really really fast!" a girl said. Her uniform was a TOS gold miniskirt with the purple Voyager collar, and there was something faintly reptilian about her appearance. She seemed oblivious to her error.

"There's no such thing as Warp 15, Miss—"

"Zenara," she supplied.

"Zenara," Geordi continued patiently, "Maximum warp for this Enterprise is Warp 9.9. The engineer from Voyager told me that they once tried to break the Warp 10 barrier. But she also said that it didn't really work."

Zenara looked disappointed.

"All right, the power for the core comes from a matter/antimatter reaction, regulated by—" He slid open a compartment on the warp core and took out a pretty red rock "—dilithium crystals like this one."

Nora typed "matter/antimatter + dilithium crystals = warp core".

"Now, antimatter is exactly what it sounds like—anti-matter, against matter. The antimatter containment field is arguably the most important part of the ship, because if we lose containment, matter and antimatter will annihilate each other."

Nora typed "matter + antimatter = explosion".

"Any questions?"

Nora didn't have any about the class, but while she could ask Data's best friend questions…

She raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss-"

"Greyson. Nora Greyson," she said. "Could you introduce me to Data? I mean, I'd like to meet him, and you're his friend, right?"

He narrowed his eyes at her—or rather, as his eyes were obscured by the VISOR, drew his eyebrows together in a suspicious expression.

"You're a Data Desirer, aren't you?"

He said "Data Desirer" in the same tone of voice as Kenny Lin had—as if it was something bad. "Yes. Why does that matter?"

"It matters because I don't inflict fangirls on my friends. I actually _like_ my friends."

"Ooh, you _like_ Data?" a girl in the back of the class said.

Geordi sighed. "Not like that. Do you fanbrats _always_ have your minds in the gutter?"

The girl looked sheepish.

"I don't," Nora said. "I won't stampede Data or anything! I just want to meet him!"

"No," Geordi said firmly. "Any other questions?"

The girl from the back row raised her hand again. "If you won't introduce _her_ to Data, will you introduce _me_?"

Geordi sighed again. "_No_. Any questions _not_ pertaining to Data?"

All other hands went down, except for one—one raised by the tall skinny boy with wings.

"Yes, Mr. Deltic?" Geordi said.

"I'd just like to point out that warp drive isn't the most efficient method of faster-than-light travel. Hyperdrive is basically hopping into another dimension—"

"Mr. Deltic, I read your application. All the teachers had to. And while _you_ might cross between universes, at this academy, we're sticking to Star Trek. There will be a lecture sometime this year you'll want to attend. Crossovers, I think it's called."

"There's nothing wrong with crossing over, especially if the technology works better," Ajax asserted. "I own a ship called the Phoenix—"

"I don't care," Geordi snapped. "We don't teach it here. Sorry."

Anyone who knew anything about Geordi's character knew he didn't usually snap at people, so most of the students were a bit cowed by the fact that he had—sort of—lost his temper. Nora, in particular, felt bad. Ajax may have ended it, but she'd started it.

And, come to think of it, her confusion earlier probably hadn't made Geordi like the students. How embarrassing.

If this was how bad the second class was, Nora was scared for the rest of her day.

* * *

**A/N I am never going to guarantee updates again. That said, I hope—nope, not going to tempt the Ironic Overpower/get anyone's hopes up.**

**Lily and Cyba, the next chapter will be longer. The next two chapters will finish off the first day. (I'm such a slow writer.)**

**Thanks to Hideout Writer and Wikipedia for help with treknobabble.**


	8. Strong Women And Their Minis

Nora made it to Spelling and Grammar faster than she expected. This was due to mentally kicking herself for her mistakes. Confusing Data and Geordi! How stupid could she get?

She barely noticed the room as she walked in. Stupid, stupid, stupid! She'd made a fool of herself in front of Geordi, who could've introduced her to Data if she'd gotten on his good side. By _not_ asking to be introduced. Now she'd just come across as a pathetic luster who just wanted to use him to get to Data. He might have snapped at Ajax, but she'd contributed to his bad mood.

After checking to see if she was alone (she was), she turned to the wall with the intention of banging her head against it. She started. The wall wasn't made out of the Generic Surface the other classroom had been made of. It seemed to be made out of…

Words. Words of fanfiction, Nora guessed, since when she squinted at it she saw names of various characters. It was dizzying.

She leaned forward. Dizzying or not, she wondered what sort of fanfiction would be put on walls.

Nora's eyes widened.

_"You were right, Eleanora! I should not be scared of my emotional programming, I should embrace it!" He was smiling, and Eleanora felt happy for him. Also, with emotions, he could possibly have…feelings for her? Just when she was thinking that, Data walked over and grabbed her hands. "Thank you for encouraging me! It has made me feel so…wonderful!" Eleanora's pale cheeks turned a little bit pink. His hands were so warm and soft, and he was so happy to be around her! Oh, how she loved him! "I only wanted to do what would make you happy." She said. "I'm your friend." And something more too eventually, she hoped. "I cannot thank you enough! Why did I ever think it would be a bad idea to not activate the program?" He said happily. "You didn't believe in yourself." Eleanora said and squeezed his hands. "All you needed was someone to believe that you could do it. I knew you could!"_

Why was her fanfiction there? She'd been writing it when Miss Maria had come to get her, and the assistant course coordinator had said that it was disgusting. Why would it be on the wall if they didn't like it?

Nora pondered that as more students arrived, also squinting at the walls. Some of them also seemed to recognize their fanfiction. Nora tried reading some more, in hope of finding answers, but it made her head hurt. She settled on closing her eyes and waiting for the teacher.

She heard the doors swish open, and there was a loud creaking sound as everyone turned around to look. Nora opened her eyes and turned around.

Then she wished she hadn't.

Miss Gloria grinned at them as she strode over to the desk at the front of the room (which Nora had missed due to being blinded).

"Hello, fanbrats," she said brightly. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses, and appeared to be unfazed by the headache-inducing walls. "I'll be teaching Spelling and Grammar, collectively known as SPaG. These are the things you should have learned in English class, but, obviously, you didn't. Just look at the walls."

Everyone did, and then quickly turned away. She smiled. "Blinding, isn't it? Text walls are what happen when you don't use the enter key when you should. They make _such_ good building material. And good teaching aids too! I mean, now that you know how blinding it is, you'll know not to blind your readers!"

Nora felt guilty, for the second time that day.

"And you'll see them every day, so you'll _never_ forget! But of course, today's lesson is still about proper formatting because overusing the enter key is almost as bad as not using it at all. I mean, take a look at—Hanssen!"

A mini-Gorn in a silver jumpsuit fell out of thin air.

Miss Gloria bent down. "Hello there! Have you been hiding in that plothole the entire time?"

Hanssen nodded.

"Do you have what I asked you to bring?"

Hanssen nodded again and pulled something out of her pocket, depositing it in Miss Gloria's hand.

"Thanks!" she said, straightening up and turning back to the class. "This is what happens when you use the enter key too much!" She opened her hand, and a curly ribbon with letters on it unrolled out onto the floor. "Text strings! There aren't as many of these as text walls, but they're still a problem." She handed it back to Hanssen. "This is why today's lesson is formatting—when to paragraph, when not to, scene breaks, and differentiating author's notes. Take out your data padds."

Everyone did, glad to bury their faces in their bags for a second.

"All right, so you separate your paragraphs when—"

A student wearing a blue TOS uniform raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Why aren't you affected by the walls? Is it your sunglasses?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes, Matthew Troughton the _totally canonical for Star Trek _Time Lord—you'll notice you don't have any Time Lord powers—, they were modified from technology used in Geordi's VISOR." At his surprised expression, she added "I know who you are because Q told all the teachers about the students from other canons. Neglecting, of course, to tell us about the danger from our_ own _canon…Anyhow, paragraphs! So—"

"Wait, why is it wrong for me to be a Time—"

"Hanssen!" Miss Gloria cried, and the mini leapt at Matthew and wrapped the text string around his neck. He made a choking sound.

"The reason is because Time Lords are from Doctor Who, not Star Trek," she explained. "This is an OFU, not a crossover. Release him, Hanssen."

The mini-Gorn unwound the string and stepped back, and Matthew rubbed his throat. Miss Gloria pulled a piece of bacon out of one of the air storage places (plotholes? Nora didn't understand) and tossed it to Hanssen.

"Good girl...Now, let's start _without_ interruptions..."

…

By the fourth class of the day, Nora was starting to get used to strange things. Therefore, she wasn't surprised when she walked into the Strong Women classroom and saw Captain Kathryn Janeway sitting at the teacher's desk, drinking a cup of coffee. In fact, it was one of the most normal things she'd seen at OFAS.

Which meant, of course, that the next thing she would see would be something completely outlandish.

The girl was a Klingon, but that wasn't the main reason everyone (including Captain Janeway) was staring at her. It was her hair. The color, to be precise. It was pinkish purple, Nora supposed, but Nora never knew pinkish purple could look so mind-blowingly ugly.

Janeway tore her eyes away from the girl's crazy colored hair. "Welcome to 'Strong Women' where you will learn how to make your female characters well-developed. You have all been put in this class because it has been decided that you need it. Now, to start off, how many of you think that your female OC is a strong female character?"

Everyone raised their hands.

Janeway choked on her coffee. "All—" She coughed. "_All_ of you?"

They nodded, and Nora wondered why that was a problem. Didn't the captain _want_ their characters to be strong?

"You have a lot to learn," she said. "You're all wrong. Your characters are Mary Sues, and therefore are not strong, well-developed characters. They are certainly _not_ flattering to women."

Nora felt offended. Eleanora was a strong character! She wasn't a Mary Sue!

"But my character's strong!" the Klingon girl protested, voicing most of the class's feelings. "She's a Klingon who left her home planet because she wanted more out of life than just having babies, and then she became the best engineer in Starfleet!"

Janeway snorted. "First of all, Miss—"

"Rachel—Karchel," she supplied.

"Karchel, you're completely misrepresenting Klingons. Second, the best Klingon engineer in Starfleet is B'Elanna Torres. Third, strength isn't just about accomplishments. It's about character, and sticking to your principles."

Nora felt more and more overwhelmed as Janeway continued. It sounded like creating a strong female character like the captain wanted was so much work! If your character was going to be in a relationship with a man, then how could she _not_ be defined by her relationship to him? And the character had to face adversity that truly challenged her—why do you want to torture your character? And you had to take notes...

Oh, crap! Notes!

...

The Dating in Starfleet classroom was noisy when Nora entered. This classroom was bigger, more of a lecture hall really, which meant that there were more fanstudents. And, given the nature of the class, they all had opinions to shout for everyone to hear. Nora took a seat next to Alli, who didn't notice, as she was too busy screaming "Kirk/Spock is the best couple in all of Star Trek!"

"No, Riker/Troi's the best!" someone else yelled.

"No, Scotty/Enterprise is!" Zenara shouted.

Two girls in Voyager science uniforms counted down together, then shrieked "Janeway/Chakotay!"

Zell climbed on a chair and bellowed "Picard/Crusher is the best and that's final!"

"No it isn't!" the other shippers responded, while some people who had been quiet, including Nora, cried, "Yes! Picard/Crusher!"

"Janeway/Chakotay!" Alli said, switching allegiance.

"Riker/Troi!"

"Spock/Kirk!"

"Doctor/Seven!"

"Sulu/Chekov!"

"Janeway/Seven!"

"Data/Tasha!"

As the names of pairings were shouted, the supporters of each pairing clustered together. Nora found herself standing next to Zell and Karchel as the arguing escalated.

"But that would break up two people who arejust_ meant _for each other!"

"Uncanon pairings are fun!"

"Canon pairings are better!"

"You can't _possibly_ think that's a good pairing!"

"You're stupid!"

Then it happened. Someone—Nora couldn't see from which group—threw a data padd. It hit another student, who turned and threw it back, smacking the first girl on the shoulder.

The room exploded into chaos. Padds went flying, and fangirls leapt onto each other, kicking and punching. Nora fought as best she could, which was not very well. Someone slammed into her, and she tumbled backwards onto a desk, bruising her shoulders and back. She rolled off and landed painfully on the Generic Surface floor, only to be hoisted up by Karchel, screeching a not-very-Klingon war cry of "Get them!"

Nora dodged a punch, then dove under a desk as a fangirl ran screaming towards her.

"I hate fighting," she muttered to herself.

Two pairs of boots caught her eyes, because they seemed to be trying to walk through, not fighting.

"Well, would you look at that?" a vaguely familiar male voice said.

"There's already a ship war and we haven't even started teaching yet!" an equally familiar female voice said.

"Got any—ow! —ideas for stopping it?" the male voice asked.

"Yes, a _lot_ of them," the female voice replied. She whistled. "B'Ellana, B'Elana, Belanna, B'lana, B'lanna, B'Elenn," —she took a breath—"Be'lanna, B'Ellanna, B Elanna, B'lenna! Restore order to this classroom and _don't_ be gentle about it!"

Nora hadn't been at OFAS for long, but she did know what misspelled names were.

"Ow!"

"Get off!"

"Put me down!"

Nora clambered up and sat at the desk as mini-Gorn swept through the room, lifting and forcibly shoving fanstudents into seats. Data padds were collected and tossed back to their owners, and within a few minutes, the room was silent.

The two teachers walked up to the front of the classroom. B'Elanna Torres whistled again, and the crowd of mini-Gorn ran over to her.

"Good job!" she said, patting them on the head and pulling strips of bacon out of plotholes. Her husband, Tom Paris, watched in amusement, then turned to face the students.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Lieutenant Tom Paris, and this is my wife B'Elanna Torres. We'll be teaching Dating in Starfleet, because we did. Date in Starfleet, that is."

"We even got married on a Starfleet vessel," B'Elanna added. "So we're qualified."

"We'll cover basic topics that apply to all pairings, like character conflict and relationship development," Tom continued. "And there'll be guest speakers on topics like slash, dating and the chain of command, and interspecies relations."

"The last one might be covered in—no, we should cover it," B'Elanna said. She glanced at Tom, and he nodded solemnly. "Anyhow, today I think the appropriate lesson is 'ship and let ship', don't you?"

"That sounds right," Tom said, looking at all the fangirls with bruises and scrapes. Nora gingerly touched her shoulder, wincing at the pain.

It was going to be a long, painful day.

* * *

**A/N Look at that! It took me less than a month to update! And the chapter's longer!**

**Applicants that appeared in this chapter:  
Matthew Troughton (Clockwork Rebel)  
Karchel (gamingkitty)  
Alli Drake (androidilenya)  
Zenara (ZenaraTheDragon)  
go girl janeway (go girl janeway)  
JC98 (yellow pen go girl)**

**Input and concrit is, as always, appreciated.**

**~Miss Gloria**


	9. Leola Root With a Side of Fangirling

As Nora fought her way through a crowd to lunch, she hoped - fervently hoped - that her day would improve. Her shoulders and back hurt from the ship war, but physical pain was the least of her troubles. OFAS sounded like a dream come true - a school where the teachers were Star Trek characters. She hadn't expected that they'd hate her.

Oh well, at least her day couldn't get worse.

Smack!

Nora was thrown forward as a student ran into her from behind - right onto her bruises.  
"Ow," she moaned.

"I'm so sorry!" someone cried. Nora turned to see a blond, green-eyed girl wearing a blue TNG uniform giving her an apologetic look. "I just want to get into the hall," she said.

"Don't we all," Nora replied, wincing as someone else bumped into her shoulder.

"I wonder why they can't just beam us in," the blond mused, nearly slamming into Nora again as she avoided colliding with a Vulcan girl. "Or there's always…" A dreamy look crossed her face. "Q."

"Sure," Nora said. "So, what's your name?"

"Hannah Stone," she said. "You?"

"Nora Greyson."

"Pleased to meet you. Will this crowd ever move?"

"It'll _never_ move," Nora groaned, starting to feel claustrophobic.

Suddenly, a rushing sound filled her ears, and her vision went white. Had she triggered something? Nora felt weightless for a brief moment, then her vision cleared. She was sitting at a table with a group of students in TNG uniforms.

"That was convenient," Nora said to no one in particular.

"Yeah, Q is helpful," Alli, who was sitting across from Nora, agreed. Nora looked down, and her eyes alighted on a tray sitting in front of her, containing a scoop of unidentifiable brown glop.

"What is it?" Hannah said, picking up a convenient spoon and prodding hers.

"Leola root stew," a voice said behind Nora. She turned.

"Ensign Lin!"

He nodded. "It is my duty to inform you that the stew is the food you will receive for lunch."

"But there are replicators! We used them for breakfast!" Hannah protested.

"Besides, isn't there _somebody_ else on Star Trek besides Neelix who can cook?" Alli asked, giving the stew a disgusted look.

"Riker cooked in one episode, I think," Nora said. "But only Worf and Data ate it because it tasted bad."

"I regret to inform you that the replicators are offline, and Neelix was the only person who volunteered to cook," Kenny said in a dry monotone. Businesslike wooden Starfleet ensign all the way. "Excuse me, I need to tell everyone else."

He walked away, and Alli sighed. "Why didn't someone on Voyager tell Neelix it was bad?" she moaned. "It was a running joke in the series!"

"Maybe that's because it wasn't that bad, and they _were_ just joking," Hannah said, and took a spoonful. Her face contorted as she put it in her mouth, but she chewed and swallowed. "It's edible," she declared. "But that's all."

Nora gave it a look, then put a spoonful in her mouth. An alien taste assaulted her tongue. It was like nothing she'd ever tasted before.

And nothing she wanted to taste again.

But Hannah was right - it was edible.

"You know," Alli said, once they finished eating, "Where do the teachers go after class? If we can find out, we could meet them!"

"They probably just beam back up to their ships," Nora said. "Kind of hard to follow them."

"What about a transporter room?" Hannah said. "We could sneak onto the pad."

"They'll see us," Nora said.

"What about Ensign Lin?" Alli said. "Maybe we could get him to beam us up."

"I don't think so," Nora said. "He didn't seem that friendly just now."

"Can't hurt to ask," Hannah said. "Nora…?"

Nora got up, and looked around the room, spotting Kenny near a table of Klingons. She walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned.

"Could you beam me and my friends up to the ship?"

He gave her a look. "_What_?"

"Could you beam -"

"Yes, I heard the question," he said. "Do you _think_ I'm allowed to help fangirls with their plots?"

"Well, no, but we'd prove that fangirls aren't as bad as you think!" Nora said. "We won't stampede!"

Kenny shook his head. "I can't help you."

"Please? You helped me before!"

"Yes, I got reprimanded for that. Everyone was hoping they didn't have to teach today! No, the captain gave us very specific orders regarding fanbrats, I believe his exact words were 'if anyone from my crew lets fanbrats into the staff section, I will personally make sure that they are stripped of rank and given plasma conduit scrubbing duties, is that understood?'"

Only one phrase made it into Nora's mind. "Wait…staff section?"

"Dammit," Kenny said, a look of alarm crossing his face.

"That means it's connected to the school! We don't have to beam in!"

Kenny relaxed. "Oh, of _course_ you wouldn't beam in. Good luck getting past the defenses."

"Defenses?"

Kenny nodded.

"What sort of defenses?"

"I can't tell you."

"Oh, of course. Thanks anyway."

He raised his eyebrows. "Sure."

Nora walked back to her table and reported her findings.

"It's so close!" Alli squealed. "We can get in no problem!"

"There are defenses, though," Hannah said. "And we don't know where it is."

"Well, to find it we can just not think about it," Nora said. "It's the defenses I'm worried about."

"They're probably minis," Alli said. "We could bribe them with bacon!"

"The replicators are offline," Nora pointed out.

"They'll fix them," Alli said.

"But there are probably more defenses. There's a lot of scary stuff in Star Trek," Hannah said. "And my Q can do _anything_." She smiled dreamily. "Maybe he could be persuaded…"

Nora and Alli exchanged looks. "Is Q your Lust Object?" Alli asked.

Hannah nodded.

"Q isn't going to help us," Nora said. "We'll have to come up with another plan…"

* * *

**A/N I am a lazy procrastinator. On the bright side, the next chapter WILL be up after next week – it's written, and I'll be on vacation, meaning plenty of time to get it typed and beta'd. Which I promise to use for typing (can't vouch for my beta, though I will try to get it to her quickly).**

**Applications are still open, but don't expect them to be more than a one-shot character. **


	10. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

Nora slouched down in her chair, hoping the teachers didn't see her. It wasn't that the teachers were frightening, per se, more that they were…formidable.

As in, if Nora annoyed them, she wouldn't make it to the last class of the day, which she had with Alli and Hannah, and they were going to try to find the staff section.

So Nora tried not to gain the teachers' attention.

"Hello, I'm Captain James T. Kirk."

"And I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard."

"And I am Captain Kathryn Janeway."

Each captain stood in front of a desk. Kirk wore a pained smile, Picard's expression was stony and distant, and Janeway's hands were on her hips as she gave the class a determined look.

"We'll be teaching Command class, since in your fanfiction you…seem to ignore the command structure, and how the position of captain _actually_ works," Kirk said, then nodded towards Picard.

"Today's lesson will be an introduction to the duties and responsibilities of a Starfleet captain," the bald captain continued. "These include mundane tasks such as dealing with admirals and managing duty rosters, as well as important responsibilities such as first contact and diplomacy." Picard glanced towards Janeway.

"The more mundane tasks aren't as important when writing a story, but you should be aware of them before you decide to make your self-insert a high-ranking officer," she said. "Perhaps it will deter you from creating the self-insert in the first place."

Nora was starting to get the impression that the captains had planned out what they were going to say.

"First contact and diplomacy are _very_ important, however," Kirk continued. "Different races…have different cultural beliefs that you have to be respectful of. They…might not understand _your_ customs. This is most important when the race is…primitive."

"But you shouldn't be making contact with pre-warp civilizations," Picard said, turning to Kirk and giving him a look. "The Prime Directive -"

"Sometimes the Prime Directive needs to be broken," Janeway cut in. "If something is severely wrong, you need to interfere."

"But you must consider whether your interference is going to improve or worsen the situation," Picard said. Nora realized he was breaking the pattern. Maybe that's what they'd intended…?

"Well, primitive races need help because…they can't improve their condition on their own," Kirk asserted.

Janeway snorted. "Some _advanced_ species need help. Omnipotence and immortality don't guarantee anything."

"I have to agree," Picard said. "Could you possibly be referring to Q?"

"Yes, I am," Janeway replied. "I had to intervene in the affairs of the Q Continuum."

"Well, I've had to stop powerful beings from…exploiting primitives," Kirk said.

"By interfering with the native culture?" Picard said, raising his eyebrows at Kirk.

Kirk met his gaze. "The natives were…misguided, and weren't able to develop normally, without intervention."

"I understand," Picard said, nodding. "I encountered a similar situation when the Mintakans believed I was their god."

Janeway laughed. "Nobody ever worshiped _me_."

"Or me," Kirk said. "Or, at least, it might not have been politically correct."

"Obviously, I had to disabuse them of that notion," Picard said. "That meant breaking the Prime Directive, but it was already broken."

"That_ is_ the best justification for breaking the Prime Directive...if there has already been interference," Kirk agreed.

"You might have that excuse, but I was out in the Delta Quadrant," Janeway said. "I had to decide what would be beneficial to both parties. It was difficult, to say the least."

"The Prime Directive is a very complex issue," Picard said. "It very much depends on the situation."

"And the pressure to make decisions about the Prime Directive...falls on the captain alone," Kirk said.

"One of the many burdens of command," Picard agreed.

"It's so good to find people who understand the difficulties of being a captain," Janeway said. "Perhaps we should meet up for coffee sometime to compare notes."

"That sounds lovely," Picard said. "Though I prefer tea."

"After the school day's over, then?" Kirk said.

"Yes, after class...oh." Janeway turned to face the students, and Nora jerked her head up. She had been paying attention. Really.

Picard picked up a data padd and showed it to the other captains. "I think we got off topic here, where it says 'Captain Kirk explains that diplomacy and first contact are difficult' and I was supposed to say something that expanded on it."

Kirk began speaking, picking up where he left off. Nora took out her data padd and frantically took down notes as the captains finished teaching…the planned class.

The bell rang - or, rather, the eight-note Star Trek theme that passed for a bell played - and the class gathered up their things and left. Nora lingered briefly, considering how Kenny had said that there were more defenses. Therefore, it would still be a good idea to find a transporter room. And maybe that's where the captains would be going.

She walked out and flattened herself against the wall as the captains strolled past. Six plotholes opened, depositing two mini-Gorn next to each captain, which immediately took up positions flanking their namesakes.

Nora followed them, tiptoeing and praying that the minis wouldn't notice her.

"I wonder why Q couldn't have put transporters _in_ the classrooms, instead of making us walk," Kirk said. Nora was right - they would lead her to a transporter room.

Picard sighed. "This is Q. He probably thinks it's amusing to make us walk through the hallways with the fangirls."

"We're lucky he only makes us walk to a transporter room, not all the way to the staff section," Janeway said. "Past _her_."

Picard nodded emphatically. "Most definitely. He even gave us protection from fanbrats." The captain patted JeanLuc. "All in all, I think we are quite fortunate."

"You know, you still haven't told me who 'she' is," Kirk said.

"Not in front of the fanbrats," Picard said, gesturing around them, where fanbrats were parting to make way as captains and minis went by.

"Yes, the one good thing about her appearance is how the students will react," Janeway said.

The doors to the transporter room swished open, and Nora could hardly contain her glee. This room was her gateway to being a part of the show she loved, to getting aboard the Enterprise, to meeting Data!

A small squeal of delight escaped her lips.

The captains and minis whipped around.

"A fanbrat," Kirk sighed. "Krik, Kirc!"

"JeanLuc, Pickard!"

"Jeaneway, Janway!"

The minis barreled towards her. Nora turned and ran, dashing through the halls with even less sense of direction than usual in OFAS, her bag banging against her side.

She didn't stop until her legs were burning, and she collapsed against the nondescript wall, panting. She vaguely thought of going back, but she glanced down the corridor both directions and realized she had no idea where she was.

The bell rang, the notes filtering into Nora's mind as if it came from very far away. She was thoroughly lost and alone. And now she was late, too.

She took a deep breath and got to her feet. The school itself might be against her, but she wasn't going to give up on anything she'd planned to do! She would still look for the staff section and try to get in, because she refused to believe that the canon characters hated _all_ fangirls, or that they wouldn't be impressed by determination. She closed her eyes and extended her hands, walking through the halls until she collided with a wall.

The plaque next to the door read Fictional Psychology. Yes! Her next class, which could only be taught by one of her favorite characters, Eleanora's best friend! Maybe this class wouldn't be as bad as the others.

She walked in, and the entire class turned to look at her. She smiled weakly.

"Take a seat, Miss Greyson," Deanna Troi said brusquely.

Nora's eyes widened at the counselor's sharp tone, and she sat down quickly.

"As I was saying," Deanna continued, "Since this class is about characterization, several guest speakers will come in to talk about what has impacted their characters."  
Nora perked up. Data was a complex character, right? So he'd be a guest speaker! She'd actually get to meet him!

"No, you will _not_ ravish your Lust Objects if they come to visit!" she snapped. "And I'd appreciate it if you stopped thinking about them, too. You make me glad I'm not a full telepath!" She sighed and massaged her temples.

Not think about Data? Counselor Troi might as well have told her to stop breathing!

Deanna glared at the class, and Nora quickly tried to shift her mood to "eager to learn".

"So, to put it simply, people are affected by many different things in their lives - the circumstances they were born into, their experiences, and their genetics, to name a few. All of these things combine to shape the way a person acts and feels. A common component in your stories is a tragic past that doesn't have any impact on the character except to give them something to complain about. Or you will trivialize something in one of _our_ backstories to serve the purposes of your "stories". It doesn't _work_ like that."

She paused, and looked around at the class. "Well, aren't you going to take notes?"

The class grabbed padds and did the electronic equivalent of scrawling down notes.

"Thank you," she said. "So, you _must_ remember - Mr. Winkleman, you're not even _trying_! I am your _teacher_!"

A dark-skinned boy with slightly pointed ears twitched at the force of her tone.

"Yes, I was _supposed_ to be the sex appeal, but that doesn't mean you can think about me in that way, is that _clear_?"

The boy nodded, seeming to be half-scared and half-starry-eyed that his Lust Object was talking to him.

Nora obediently took notes the rest of the period, wincing when Troi yelled at them for lustful thoughts. It made her uneasy - it seemed out of character for the normally compassionate and understanding counselor. She was just stressed. If Nora was nice to her, then she'd be nice. That was also Nora's rationale for entering the staff section - once the canons saw how intelligent and un-fangirly she was, they'd be nice to her. However, in this case, Nora hoped that Troi would be helpful.

When the musical bell sounded, most of the class darted out as fast as they could. Deanna looked incredibly relieved to see them go. She sighed and collapsed at her desk, resting her head in her arms. Nora walked up and cleared her throat gently.

The counselor raised her head. "What do you want?"

"Well, I - " Nora suddenly found herself at a loss for words. Deanna Troi had spoken to her!

"What?" Troi snapped.

"I really admire you and you're one of my favorite characters!" Nora blurted out.  
She made an effort to exude admiration, so that Deanna would sense that she was genuine.

It seemed to work, because she smiled. "Thank you."

Nora's heart swelled with hope. Deanna would help her get into the staff section and she'd get to meet –

Deanna's eyes narrowed. "All right, who's your Lust Object?"

Nora froze. Dammit, she'd read her emotions! "D-Data."

Deanna rolled her eyes. "It's always Data. Well, I won't help you meet him. That's what you're asking, isn't it?"

"Um…"

"I sense that I'm right," Deanna said, and her tone hardened. "Get out."

Nora nodded quickly and then ran out.

Right into another fangirl.

"Ow!" Hannah exclaimed.

"Oh, sorry," Nora said. "Good to see you."

"Yeah, you too," Hannah said. "Have _you_ figured out how to get into the staff section?"

Nora shook her head. "I got chased by minis and Deanna Troi yelled at me."

"I got chased by minis too!" Alli said, seeming to pop out of nowhere. "They chased me into this plothole and, of course, it let me out at this plot-convenient time!"

It was only then that Nora realized that Alli was sporting a black eye. "What class did you come from?"

"Writing Logic," Alli replied. "I stayed after class and I got Spock to admit that he cares about Kirk, but when I squealed the minis jumped at me and I ran into the plothole. I think there was something hard in there, 'cause it hit my eye, and then I came out here, so…yeah."

Nora and Hannah exchanged looks. "What about trying to find a way into the staff section?" Hannah asked.

"I forgot," Alli said. "Did _you_ guys learn anything?" They started walking, counting on the conversation to distract them.

"Well, the transporter rooms are out," Nora said. "They're guarded by minis and it's not like we know how to work transporters anyway."

"We can't get canon characters to help us, not even the nice ones," Hannah said.

"I asked Geordi but he said no. Kind of yelled at me, actually."

"Yeah," Nora said. "Deanna got mad at me."

"She _did_ look kind of upset this morning," Alli agreed, then stopped abruptly. "Oh _crap_."

Nora and Hannah stopped too, for the same reason.

"Lord have mercy," Hannah murmured.

Nora swallowed nervously. "We must have just…taken a wrong turn," she said, trying to sound calm. "I mean, our next class isn't in _there_, is it?"

"I hope not," Hannah said.

Ahead of them, the starship corridors abruptly ended, to be replaced by darkened metallic black hallways. Green lights flickered amongst the black circuitry on the walls, lighting the hallways with an eerie glow.

"It looks like…" Hannah began.

"The inside of a Borg cube," Nora finished.

"Let's turn around," Alli said.

Nora and Hannah nodded emphatically, and they turned back the way they came.

"So, Hannah," Alli said. "Why is Q your Lust Object?"

Hannah recognized this as the distraction it was, so she answered with passion.

"Well, I think he relies so much on his powers, like he thinks they're always the answer. So if he lost his powers, it would expose a lot of his insecurities. He'd need someone to listen, a shoulder to cry on."

Alli and Nora exchanged looks. Q needing a shoulder to cry on?

"So why do you guys like Data?" she countered. "I mean, he's an android with weird eyes and a big nose."

"His eyes are beautiful gold," Nora corrected. "He's kind and sweet and the way he's so in denial of his emotions makes you want to help him realize he _does_ have them!"

"And he doesn't look strange, he's adorable!" Alli added. "He scrunches up his eyebrows all cute when he's confused."

"I love that face!" Nora said. "It just makes you want to hug him!"

"Yeah!" Alli agreed.

"O-kay then," Hannah said.

"We can lust after who we want," Nora said, then abruptly stopped walking. "Oh _crap_."

"I thought we were distracting ourselves," Alli said, scowling at the Borg hallways.

"I don't understand, we _can't_ be having class in there, can we?" Nora said worriedly.

"Why don't we try actually_ looking_ for the class?" Hannah suggested. "Maybe your method doesn't work." She shivered.

"It worked for all my other classes," Nora said. "Let's turn around. Maybe we didn't walk long enough."

"That's a good idea…Look!" Alli cried, pointing down the hallway.

A figure was approaching them. Its heavy, plodding footsteps echoed through the corridor, and the eerie green light reflected off metal pieces on its skin.

"It's a B-b…" Nora stuttered in terror.

"Borg!" Hannah yelled. "Run!"

The three of them took off in the opposite direction. Nora wished she didn't have to keep running from things. Star Trek wasn't supposed to be that scary, was it?

"Wait, wait!" a voice called. "I'm not a Borg!"

Nora, Alli, and Hannah skidded to a stop and turned around. The figure stepped out of the hallway and as the normal light hit her it became clear that what she'd claimed was only partially true.

The supposed Borg was a teenage girl. However, she had Borg implants on her left cheek and both of her hands. Scraggly brown hair grew around implants on her scalp, and one of her eyes was a blinking red laser.

"You're the Borg student," Alli said, somewhat stating the obvious.

The girl nodded sadly. "That's what I put on my application. I was part of the Collective for a short time. So many voices…" She paused, looking pained. "After that guy knocked me out, I woke up in sickbay and I was separated from the Collective. But, well…" She pointed to her eye and Nora, Alli and Hannah gave her sympathetic looks.

"Are you guys looking for Alien Biology and Culture?"

"Yeah," Nora said.

"It's in there," she said, pointing towards the Borg hallway. "I have a regeneration alcove right next to the classroom."

"We're having class in _there_?" Hannah exclaimed. "Who's teaching?"

"The Borg Queen. She sent me out here to make sure everyone shows up. Come on, let's go in before she decides to re-assimilate me."

She led them through the creepy dark hallways until they reached an open space. The walls were still black metal, but there were ordinary looking chairs and desks in a lecture hall-like arrangement. That wasn't what the fangirls noticed first, though.

The Borg Queen turned around in her raised alcove to look down at the students. "Eight of Nine," she said, and the girl squeaked. Nora felt incredibly sorry for her. "Go back out. There must be more fanbrats to…educate."

Eight nodded quickly, and ran out as fast as she could hindered by her implants.  
The Borg Queen shifted her gaze to Nora, Alli, and Hannah, who grasped hands for support. Nora could feel them shaking with her.

"Humans. Fangirls," the Queen said. "Unworthy of assimilation…for now. At least until my drones finish building the…_special_ maturation chambers."

Nora shivered.

"We are _not_ trying to assimilate them," Seven of Nine said, stepping out of a hallway near the alcove. "Take a seat, students."

They dropped hands and sat down in chairs next to each other. Nora nearly fell into her chair, she was so unsteady on her feet. The Borg Queen! Nora remembered her best from _First Contact_ - for what she did to Data. Part of Nora wanted to do something to the Borg Queen, make her _pay_ for hurting the sweet android, but most of her felt helpless and terrified. She was one teenage girl, not very strong or powerful.

Eight led in many more groups of students, most of whom looked terrified of the Borg Queen. Nora took some solace in that she wasn't alone.

When all the seats were full, the Borg Queen stepped forward. "Hello, students."

She swept her metallic gaze around the room, making the students lean back in their chairs in fear. "Adolescent, with extremely limited technological capabilities. Mostly humans, some Vulcans, a few Klingons. All unworthy of assimilation at the moment…but what is this? And this?"

Her gaze landed first on a Vulcan girl, who was clutching her head as if it hurt, and then on Ajax, who was the only person in the room that didn't look terrified. Actually, there were some other male students who were staring at the Queen's body, but even they seemed to be torn between fear and arousal, especially when she descended to face the girl.

"What is your designation and species?" she asked.

"L-Lumina Balderson. M-Minsharan."

"An offshoot of Vulcans - DNA from other species grafted on - immense psionic powers."

"You read that off my application," Lumina said.

"Yes. But the Borg have already assimilated telepaths, and we mix species ourselves. You," she continued, turning to Ajax. "State your designation and species."

"Ajax Deltic. Human/Avian hybrid."

"Avian…" the Queen mused. "The Borg being able to…fly." She studied Ajax, and he met her gaze. She reached out her hand, extending her assimilation tubules toward Ajax's neck.

Ajax spread his wings and took off into the air, kicking the Borg Queen in the head as he did so. Simultaneously, Seven of Nine leapt in front of the Borg Queen.

"We are not trying to assimilate the students," Seven snapped. "We are here to teach."

Several fanboys started drooling at her proximity, but no one stampeded due to the Borg Queen right next to her. Seven glared at them, but that only increased their lustful glances.

"You are correct, Seven of Nine," the Queen said, lowering her hand. "We should…teach." She smiled, and combined with her sinister tone, it gave the impression that for her "teach" meant "inflict terror". Seven seemed to catch this, and rolled her eyes as they walked back up.

"This class is Alien Biology and Culture. Since the Borg have assimilated most of the species in the universe, we know all about them," the Borg Queen began.

"However, we will only be teaching you about the races important for writing your fanfiction," Seven said.

"We expect nonhuman students to do particularly well, since they are taking classes about their species," the Borg Queen said. "Of course, I will expect nothing less than…perfection."

Nora gulped.

"Now, in order to assess the amount of improvement necessary, I will call out the name of an alien race, and you will raise your hand if you recognize it. Be honest - cheating will not benefit you," Seven said. "Vulcan."

The entire class raised their hands. Seven looked relieved when Klingon and Romulan met with the same response.

"Bajoran," Seven said.

A few hands dropped, and Nora was glad she remembered - the episodes with the Bajoran ensign didn't have much Data.

"You are lucky you are not at the Deep Space Nine branch. I am sure Major Kira would be…displeased," Seven said. "Cardassian."

The same hands stayed down. They were mostly TOS students, and Nora figured they just hadn't seen any other show. Of course, there wasn't any excuse for the TNG and Voyager students.

Nora felt confident, though. She'd seen all three series. Her confidence persisted as she recognized Android (how could she not?), Gorn (everyone got that one), Ferengi (funny ears!), and Andorian (such a pretty shade of blue!).

"Talaxian," Seven said.

Talaxian…Talaxian…it was from Voyager, she was sure of it. Oh! It was Neelix's race!

She raised her hand just as Seven said the next race.

"Tholian," she said.

Nora froze, and her hand dropped. That word was completely unfamiliar. Seven was trying to trick them. This was something that appeared in only one series, in one episode, or something like that. Nora had seen all of all three series, but she wouldn't remember one episode. Especially of TOS or Voyager.

Seven continued, and the amount of hands up continued to fluctuate. Nora felt like Seven was going in a very random order, as she recognized Betazoid, had no idea about the next few, and then got Species 8472 (Nora hadn't remembered the exact number, but she knew that the race that looked like giant praying mantises were a number). The number of hands decreased as the names became more and more obscure. After a while, Nora suspected that Seven was making them up. What the hell was "Vaadwaur"?

"I see," Seven said. "Many of you have knowledge specific to your favorite series, which is only to be expected. You also do not remember races that only appeared in single episodes, even if it was important. This class aims to give you a much broader view of the Trekverse and its denizens."

"This exercise only indicates that you can remember names," the Borg Queen said. "To prove that you actually know the races, tonight's homework is to write a detailed analysis of whether each race you recognized is worthy of assimilation. Due tomorrow." She turned to Seven. "You are going to say that I am being too harsh."

"No," Seven said. "Captain Janeway only told me to stop you from hurting the students, not from assigning homework."

She raised her eyebrows, and Nora got the distinct impression that while Seven might be the nicer of the two teachers, that didn't mean she was a nice teacher.

"The list is being sent to your padds," the Queen said. "If you recognize ten or more races, _perhaps_ you may pass this class and become worthy of assimilation."

"You will _not_ assimilate the students, not while I am co-teaching and Captain Picard and Captain Janeway are nearby," Seven said.

The Borg Queen raised her eyebrows. "We shall see," she said, a slight echo creeping into her tone. A chill ran down Nora's back.

The bell rang, the eight-note theme seeming to resonate as a beacon of hope through the dark hallways. In comparison to this terrifying class, the other teachers seemed kindly, and the normal hallways, confusing as they were, sounded pleasant. The students ran out as quickly as they could.

Eight led the class back to the normal hallways, where students dispersed, either heading to their dorms, or, if they were aliens, to classes about their race. Nora, Alli, and Hannah lingered by the Borg section - not _too_ close - until the hallways cleared.

"Time to find the staff section!" Alli said happily, and they set off.

"So," Hannah began, and Nora guessed she had an idea for a distraction, "Did you guys create OCs?"

"Yeah," Nora said.

"No, "Alli said, "I only write slash."

Hannah made a face. "Okay then. Nora, what was your OC like?"

"Her name is Eleanora Silver," Nora said, and proceeded to gush about the beautiful, intelligent, compassionate scientist who was the only one who could unlock Data's emotions. Because he had them even before the emotion chip, he just needed someone who would love him enough to help him discover them!

"That's so romantic!" Hannah said, and launched into the story of her OC, a hard-working religious nurse on 21st century Earth who helped Q when he lost his powers. Nora wasn't sure accepting help was in character for Q, but she supposed it was still a good story.

"And so Q and Grace -" Hannah stopped abruptly. "Are we walking in circles?"

They were facing the Borg section - again.

"The staff section can't be in there," Alli said, backing away slowly. "Everyone hates the Borg Queen, they wouldn't want to live near her."

Nora sighed. "Alli, why do you write slash?"

"Ew," Hannah said.

"It'll distract us," Nora said.

"Besides, I can support what I want!" Alli said. "I support Kirk/Spock because they have such a deep friendship, and then sometimes, it looks like it could be more. Like, they'll do so many things for each other, trying to protect the other one. They always have each other's back, and Gene Roddenberry even said that their affection is deep enough!"

"There's something wrong here," Hannah said.

"I said, I can support - ! _Oh_."

"Maybe the school's _trying_ to annoy us," Hannah speculated.

They looked down the Borg corridor and saw a figure walk out of an adjoining corridor, approaching the three students. They backed away uncertainly. However, the last time they'd seen something walking in that corridor, it had been Eight, who wasn't a threat.

Sure enough, Eight stepped out into the light. "Hi," she said, looking confused. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We don't know," Hannah replied.

"We're trying to find the staff section," Alli explained. "But it isn't in there, right?"

Eight's implants clinked as she shrugged. "How would I know?"

Nora wasn't really listening to their conversation. She was staring intently at the Borg section, looking thoughtful. The navigation trick hadn't failed her yet, and it wasn't failing her now, she was sure. But the Borg...

It struck her like a phaser blast.

"Maybe it isn't _in_ the Borg section," she said slowly. "Maybe it's..._behind_ it."

Silence fell as Nora's realization sank in.

"So...so _that's_ the defenses that Ensign Lin warned us about," Hannah said.

"That makes sense," Eight said. "My alcove's next to the classroom, but the Borg Queen and Seven are further in, because they're staff."

"Do you know how to get through?" Alli asked eagerly. "I mean, you're Borg."

Eight shook her head. "I was only Borg for a short time. I don't know anything."

The group went silent as they contemplated their plight. What they wanted was so close, yet so far away. Guarded by the most formidable force in all of Star Trek. As the group separated, heading back to their dorms, Nora considered giving up the plan. The_ Borg_.

But they had this knowledge, and it seemed a shame not to use it. Besides, they wouldn't get assimilated. Seven would stop the Borg Queen and call Picard and Janeway, and then they'd get rescued by canon characters! Not so bad.

Still, that was the worst case scenario. Perhaps Eight could help somehow, since she could go into the Borg section and not look suspicious. Disguises, or just a clever excuse she could tell them…?

Nora nearly ran into her door. She caught herself and punched the key code she'd found on her padd. The door slid open, and Nora immediately collapsed in her desk chair as the full weight of the day came crashing down on her.

She was at a school for Star Trek fanfiction writers.

Her teachers included Spock, Geordi, and the Borg Queen.

She had a way to meet the characters she wanted.

And she had homework.

But all she wanted to do was sleep. So much homework…

There was a Trek-style computer on her desk, and once she'd managed to find the start button, she figured out how to open a new document. The assignments would be submitted electronically.

Very thorough, Nora noted.

She studied the list of alien races and felt lost. What did she know about Andorians, besides that they were blue? She didn't even know much about Vulcans! She stared at the screen blankly. Had it really been only one day? It felt like months…

She laid her head down and fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N Applications are closing next chapter, so submit any characters now!**


	11. The Captains' Table

"Well, I suppose Vulcans can be useful -"

"I've always rather liked them -"

"Well, specific ones like Tuvok -"

"Or Spock -"

"You just don't understand them. I've mind melded -"

"Me too!"

"Spock's never melded with me," Kirk paused and rethought. "That sounded awkward."

Miss Gloria took advantage of the uncomfortable silence that followed to clear her throat. "A-_hem_," she said. "We have a senior staff meeting."

The captains turned to her and Miss Maria sniggered.

"Sorry," Janeway said. "It's just good to find others who understand the burdens of command."

"I heard," Miss Gloria deadpanned. "So, all in all, how do you think the day went?"

"It went well," Picard said. "In particular, our class was unexpectedly pleasant. I don't believe the script was necessary."

Miss Gloria shrugged. "Well, the way people fight about who's the best captain, one gets the impression that _you_ would hate each other."

"We're much more mature than that," Janeway said.

"Of course," Miss Gloria said. "Sorry I assumed. Anyway, my class went well. The students were suitably…impressed by the text walls. And the sunglasses are excellent."

"I'll tell Geordi you said so," Picard said.

"Did anything go badly?" Kirk asked. "I can't think of anything."

Picard nodded. "I agree. Any day that I am near the Borg Queen and she does not threaten me or my crew is a good day."

"Seven said that she threatened the fanbrats, but never followed through," Janeway said. "But I do agree. We may be able to make this arrangement work."

"I've got a problem that happened today," Miss Maria piped up, and they all turned to look at her. "The replicators went offline."

"Oh, yes," Kirk said. "But that crew member of yours -" he gestured towards Janeway "- was conveniently able to step in."

"Yes, how…_convenient_," Janeway said.

Picard's eyebrows drew together. "Do you know something about this?"

"Ensign Harry Kim was checking the replicators this morning. Maybe he…knocked something out of alignment." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Picard smiled. "Very clever, Captain."

"That's cruel," Miss Gloria said. "But yes, quite clever."

Janeway shrugged. "It's not _that_ cruel. I didn't ask Neelix to make the meatloaf."

Miss Gloria winced and muttered something that sounded like "slorp".

"It seems like this year will be a success," Picard pronounced.

The other captains concurred, and Miss Maria and Miss Gloria nodded solemnly.

* * *

**A/N Yes, PPC-ers, that was a reference to the Blackout.**

**Applications are now closed.**


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